Loss and Joy

I named this blog “Joy in the Journey” because I firmly believe that through Christ, you can find joy in all things, whether it be happy or profoundly sad, easy or seemingly insurmountable. But how do I find joy in this journey-a plan that I wish God did not have for my life? How do I find joy in losing my mother, the most amazing person I know, the person I have so continuously strived to be more like?

I find joy in the knowledge that she is a believer in Jesus Christ and so I can know, without a shadow of a doubt, that she is in heaven and that I will get to see her again one day. I find joy in what a huge lost this is, because it would not be quite such a big loss if my mom was not quite such an amazing woman. I find joy in watching how many lives she has touched and that even in her death, she continued to teach me. I find joy in, and am thankful for, the time, memories and many lessons that she was able to leave me with. I am joyful that there was nothing left unsaid and nothing I regret about my relationship with my mom. I find joy, mingled with sadness, when something reminds me of her or when I act like her because it means she is still with me. I find so much joy in the relationship I have with my dad; it has changed and grown through this experience into such a beautiful thing- he is an amazing man. I find joy in growing closer to the women in my life- my sister, aunts, and friends, who each fill a little of the void left by my mom. Above all, I marvel at my God. How can I fail to be joyful when the God of the universe cares enough to envelope me in his arms when I don’t have the strength to reach out to him. When he showers me with blessings during this time, though I am undeserving. When he gives me a peace that is beyond understanding.

So I do not have to be happy about losing my mom, I’m broken. But I can be joyful and trust in my God, that he will “work all things for the good of those that love Him”. I can move forward, one step at a time, I can invest in relationships like my mom did, I can continue working towards my degree, and I can take comfort in the knowledge of how very proud of me my mom was.